Look at me, all blogging a few days later! Kinda proud of myself.
Can I just say something?
It's ok to love yourself, just as you are.
Today's world wants to tell you that you aren't good enough. You're not enough. It doesn't matter what you are, the world wants to tell you that you aren't good enough. You're too short, too fat, too opinionated, too strong, too weak, too slow, too fast, too much or too little of everything.
Fuck that.
You're enough. You are SO enough. Don't let them in; don't let the world dictate whether you are good enough or not. Are you kind? Are you hardworking? Are you working every day to better yourself?
Then you're enough, end of story. It's ok to love your thick thighs, or loud mouth, or crazy hair. It's ok to be proud of your flat stomach that you've worked hard for, and love your big or little boobs. It's ok to BE OK WITH WHO YOU ARE. It's ok if you're dedicated to your health and working out. It's ok if you're not. It's ok if you're proud of your degree - or if you're proud of the path you took instead. It's ok to be proud of being a young mama, or be proud of waiting until you felt it was right. It's ok to be absolutely imperfect and have not a single plan to fix it - because perfect is boring. Perfect is cookie-cutter, and this world has enough cutouts!
It's ok to not buy into this world's crazy obsession with working out and crazy diets and being a size zero with a 2% body fat. It's ok to refuse the fat-shaming society we've created, and it's ok to stand up and say so.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. You are getting there, wherever you're headed, whatever you're working towards. YOU ARE WORTHY OF SEEING, AND OF ADMIRING. Your flat abs are a testament to your dedication, and your killer cheesecake recipe is a testament to your love of creating.
You are enough. I promise. Ignore the rest of the world.
Monday, May 9, 2016
Saturday, May 7, 2016
What Six Years Look Like
Wow, I was just thinking about starting a new blog, and I rediscovered this one - I thought it was lost.
What do six years look like?
Six years look like a new profession, one that I never intended to be in but discovered myself in. I started working in the affordable housing development business in August 2010, moved to Gillette, and life has been a crazy run since then. I started as the Assistant Property Manager for the Gillette properties, was promoted to Property Manager in June 2011, and to Compliance Manager for our entire five state, 1200+ portfolio in November 2014. It's been a whirlwind ride I never expected to be on! I really do love it.
Six years look like I went from having babies to having a teenager and two smalls and holy cow how they have changed. No one tells you that when you have a teenager that there will be days you want to alternately douse them with cold water and shake them until they make sense. On the other hand, watching your kiddos turn into kind, determined young adults with dreams of their own is also incredibly satisfying (and mind-blowing). All of the kids have really grown into themselves and are people that I am so proud to know! Dramatic? Yes. Assholes some days? YEP! But they are kind people, smart people, and people who are unafraid to be themselves, and that's what I want for them more than anything else. I know many parents dream of their kids being doctors, or lawyers, or President of the United States....what I dream about is for my kiddos to be happy, more than anything. Happy, in a life that satisfies them. Kind to themselves and others. Unafraid to dream the big dreams or the small-to-the-world, big-to-them-dreams.
Six years look like I went from living with my mom to running my own household. This seems like such a natural step, and it is, but such a scary one. When the ex and I split, living with my mom saved my sanity - she was the other parent that was missing for a long time. Then I decided I was going to move cross-state for my job, and holy cow, talk about jumping into the deep end of the pool. I remember my mom and I having raging fights before I moved, because she was so scared for me. But you know what? It was scary, and it was such a risk...but it was right. The kids and I formed back into our family, moved forward, and I went from living with my mom to supporting us all on my own all the time and it was SO good for all of us. I'm so proud of where we came from and where we are at now - the hard work and long nights and stress were so worth it.
Six years look like I found where I belong. Grable is a phenomenal partner and step-dad, and while I understand that our groove doesn't make sense to most other people, it works for us. It just works for us. It was terrifying walking back into a relationship after everything that happened at the end of the last one, and I know he felt the same way.....but we've worked it out step every step of the way. I have an amazing partner, wonderful kids and a job I love.
The road less taken? Totally worth it.
Peace out, I'll be back at some point. Or I won't, and six years from now, I'll discover this again and it'll be like a little note I've sent myself.
Note to future self : you're still doing awesome. Quit being so mean to yourself.
What do six years look like?
Six years look like a new profession, one that I never intended to be in but discovered myself in. I started working in the affordable housing development business in August 2010, moved to Gillette, and life has been a crazy run since then. I started as the Assistant Property Manager for the Gillette properties, was promoted to Property Manager in June 2011, and to Compliance Manager for our entire five state, 1200+ portfolio in November 2014. It's been a whirlwind ride I never expected to be on! I really do love it.
Six years look like I went from having babies to having a teenager and two smalls and holy cow how they have changed. No one tells you that when you have a teenager that there will be days you want to alternately douse them with cold water and shake them until they make sense. On the other hand, watching your kiddos turn into kind, determined young adults with dreams of their own is also incredibly satisfying (and mind-blowing). All of the kids have really grown into themselves and are people that I am so proud to know! Dramatic? Yes. Assholes some days? YEP! But they are kind people, smart people, and people who are unafraid to be themselves, and that's what I want for them more than anything else. I know many parents dream of their kids being doctors, or lawyers, or President of the United States....what I dream about is for my kiddos to be happy, more than anything. Happy, in a life that satisfies them. Kind to themselves and others. Unafraid to dream the big dreams or the small-to-the-world, big-to-them-dreams.
Six years look like I went from living with my mom to running my own household. This seems like such a natural step, and it is, but such a scary one. When the ex and I split, living with my mom saved my sanity - she was the other parent that was missing for a long time. Then I decided I was going to move cross-state for my job, and holy cow, talk about jumping into the deep end of the pool. I remember my mom and I having raging fights before I moved, because she was so scared for me. But you know what? It was scary, and it was such a risk...but it was right. The kids and I formed back into our family, moved forward, and I went from living with my mom to supporting us all on my own all the time and it was SO good for all of us. I'm so proud of where we came from and where we are at now - the hard work and long nights and stress were so worth it.
Six years look like I found where I belong. Grable is a phenomenal partner and step-dad, and while I understand that our groove doesn't make sense to most other people, it works for us. It just works for us. It was terrifying walking back into a relationship after everything that happened at the end of the last one, and I know he felt the same way.....but we've worked it out step every step of the way. I have an amazing partner, wonderful kids and a job I love.
The road less taken? Totally worth it.
Peace out, I'll be back at some point. Or I won't, and six years from now, I'll discover this again and it'll be like a little note I've sent myself.
Note to future self : you're still doing awesome. Quit being so mean to yourself.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Birthday Weekend
May's been a very busy month! I've started a new job, Quinton turned four, Violet's turning two on Wednesday, Jake gets out of school at the end of the month, and all in all, I'm not sure that I've sat down for more than two seconds straight!
This last weekend, my mom and I took the kids to the zoo for Vi and Q's birthday weekend. They had such a blast! I thought Violet was going to crawl into the monkey cages (heaven knows she'd have fit right in) and Q was obsessed with the elephants and giraffes. It was crazy busy, but it wasn't too hot, so it was very nice. Jake (my logical child) walked around with one of the maps all day directing us...and he knew where we are at all times! He's such a hoot.
Then on Sunday, we had a birthday party for the kids. Quinton had a Batman cake and Violet had a CareBears cake (Oh the joy of buying girl cakes!) They each got a bike. Quinton got a big boy bike, with training wheels of course, and Violet got a trike. Q got on his and took off at the speed of light -- he knows how to really cruise. Violet can't figure hers out, but it won't take long. For now, she piles her and her babies on her bike and pushes around with her feet.
I started a new job today at the Village at Silver Ridge, a luxury apartment complex here in Rock Springs. It's a fantastic position, pays very very well, and has set days. It's across the street from Jake's school last year, so he'll be able to walk to school. I'm planning on moving there this summer after Jake gets out of school. I am so excited to have my OWN place, my very OWN place again! Not that living with my mom hasn't been a godsend (she's a huge help) but I can't wait. I loved working in the ER, but the shifts were too hard on the kids (they felt like they didn't get to see me very much) and the drama there is just ridiculous. So when this position was offered, I jumped on it!
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Easter 2010
Wow what a crazy couple of days it's been. My sister and her fiance and their boys did make it down for Easter, and we had a grand time. Wyatt is officially in love with Violet and spent most of his time down here toting her around. :) Jake and Q had a fantastic time playing with the boys. We dyed eggs on Saturday night and of course, the Easter Bunny came Sunday morning. Then we went to my sister Kerrie's house for a few egg hunts and some very delicious deep fried turkey and potato salad (and my world-famous deviled eggs).
Then on Easter afternoon, I started having some pretty severe stomach pain, but I was able to ignore it since we were so busy with egg hunts and baskets and everything. About three, Kim and Chad decided to head for home (they live in Gillette) and so we all loaded up to get back to my om's house to get everything sorted. After they took off, I got all of my kiddos down for a nap. It was then that my stomach pain really blew up. I couldn't move, I couldn't do anything but lay there and cry 00 pretty much some of the worst pain I'd ever been in.
About six my sister Kerrie came down to take me to the hospital. We got there, and they gave me some morphine, and Dr. B told me flat out that he thought it was my gall bladder. He sent me for an ultrasound, and you know it's bad when halfway through the u/s the tech looks up at you and says, "Do you by chance know who the surgeon on call is???" I had so many gallstones in my gallbladder that they couldn't even count them! So they admitted me to the med floor and told me surgery would be on in the mornig.
Dr Franks came down (I requested him) and explained to me what to expect (I was unaware that all general anesthesia patients were intubated!_ and how long the procedure would take, etc. Then they headed me down to same day surgery. The anesthesiologist on call was a hoot -- we were talking about Michael Jackson and hew as like I odn't know if I believe the whole Propofol business, after all he only had 25 cc's in his system, and I'm gonna give you closer to 170! I guess the look on my face was priceless. Dr. Franks said that when he pulled my gallbladder out it was the biggest one he'd ever seen due to the inflammation. BUT he did give me some of my gallstones to take home with me (they look like teeth!) and he made me a picture of my surgery! I told him it was going in the scrapbook! ;)
I had to stay that night in the hospital (which was good because I needed the IV drugs) but got released on Tuesday morning. I'm home now, and out of work until the seventeenth. Chris has the babies this week, because I don't think it was a good idea to be taking care of my babies on pain pills, and Chris was nice enough to offer to keep them. So I'm healing now! Giant pain in the butt, but I will feel much better very soon. :)
Then on Easter afternoon, I started having some pretty severe stomach pain, but I was able to ignore it since we were so busy with egg hunts and baskets and everything. About three, Kim and Chad decided to head for home (they live in Gillette) and so we all loaded up to get back to my om's house to get everything sorted. After they took off, I got all of my kiddos down for a nap. It was then that my stomach pain really blew up. I couldn't move, I couldn't do anything but lay there and cry 00 pretty much some of the worst pain I'd ever been in.
About six my sister Kerrie came down to take me to the hospital. We got there, and they gave me some morphine, and Dr. B told me flat out that he thought it was my gall bladder. He sent me for an ultrasound, and you know it's bad when halfway through the u/s the tech looks up at you and says, "Do you by chance know who the surgeon on call is???" I had so many gallstones in my gallbladder that they couldn't even count them! So they admitted me to the med floor and told me surgery would be on in the mornig.
Dr Franks came down (I requested him) and explained to me what to expect (I was unaware that all general anesthesia patients were intubated!_ and how long the procedure would take, etc. Then they headed me down to same day surgery. The anesthesiologist on call was a hoot -- we were talking about Michael Jackson and hew as like I odn't know if I believe the whole Propofol business, after all he only had 25 cc's in his system, and I'm gonna give you closer to 170! I guess the look on my face was priceless. Dr. Franks said that when he pulled my gallbladder out it was the biggest one he'd ever seen due to the inflammation. BUT he did give me some of my gallstones to take home with me (they look like teeth!) and he made me a picture of my surgery! I told him it was going in the scrapbook! ;)
I had to stay that night in the hospital (which was good because I needed the IV drugs) but got released on Tuesday morning. I'm home now, and out of work until the seventeenth. Chris has the babies this week, because I don't think it was a good idea to be taking care of my babies on pain pills, and Chris was nice enough to offer to keep them. So I'm healing now! Giant pain in the butt, but I will feel much better very soon. :)
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
The Road Not Taken
~Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that passing there,
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
Some where ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and I-
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that passing there,
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
Some where ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and I-
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Graveyards
I have always been a night owl. I can stay up until three in the morning and still get up the next morning just raring to go -- or at least I always could! Working my job now, as soon as my body is horizontal I am out for eight hours. Not so much a struggle when I'm on days, because if I go to bed as soon as I get the kids in bed, I can still get my eight hours in -- even if I am *the horror* getting up at four thirty am.
However, on graveyards, I am lucky to get in six hours -- I get off at six thirty, get home about seven, get the kids ready for the day, drop them all off at daycare about seven forty five, then come home and get started on some of my chores for the day -- tossing in a load of laundry, starting the slow cooker, etc. By the time I crash, it's close to eight thirty or nine, then my alarm is set to go off at two thirty so that I can get up, get ready for work, THEN pick up the kids, get Jake's homework done, get dinner on the table and then I leave for work about five thirty. It's tiring! But at least on graveyards, I see the kids more than on days. On days, I am gone from five thirty am to seven pm and by the time I get home, there's only time to cuddle up with the kids and read some books before bed at eight.
I can't complain, though, because overall I enjoy my schedule. By the end of days on, I'm dragging, but I usually have at least four days off to recover! :) And during that time, the kids usually get me all to themselves.
We had parent teacher conferences on Friday, and Jake's doing fantastically. He is plugging right along and reading like a champ. He talks WAAAAAY too much and needs some help staying on task, but overall he's doing great. I couldn't ask for a better kid. He's such a help, always willing to pitch in and help wherever I ask. Now if I could just keep Violet and Quinton from getting into WWE style beatdowns every time I turn around.....yeah right.
I'm way excited because my sister and her fiance and kids are coming down this weekend for Easter. I have yet to do ANY Easter shopping (that's Saturday's main job!) but it will be so nice to let the kids play together. Now if Kellie, Rockey and Sawyer were going to be here! But hey, I'll take what I can get.
Well, I better get my nose back to the grindstone. Have a great night -- I will!
However, on graveyards, I am lucky to get in six hours -- I get off at six thirty, get home about seven, get the kids ready for the day, drop them all off at daycare about seven forty five, then come home and get started on some of my chores for the day -- tossing in a load of laundry, starting the slow cooker, etc. By the time I crash, it's close to eight thirty or nine, then my alarm is set to go off at two thirty so that I can get up, get ready for work, THEN pick up the kids, get Jake's homework done, get dinner on the table and then I leave for work about five thirty. It's tiring! But at least on graveyards, I see the kids more than on days. On days, I am gone from five thirty am to seven pm and by the time I get home, there's only time to cuddle up with the kids and read some books before bed at eight.
I can't complain, though, because overall I enjoy my schedule. By the end of days on, I'm dragging, but I usually have at least four days off to recover! :) And during that time, the kids usually get me all to themselves.
We had parent teacher conferences on Friday, and Jake's doing fantastically. He is plugging right along and reading like a champ. He talks WAAAAAY too much and needs some help staying on task, but overall he's doing great. I couldn't ask for a better kid. He's such a help, always willing to pitch in and help wherever I ask. Now if I could just keep Violet and Quinton from getting into WWE style beatdowns every time I turn around.....yeah right.
I'm way excited because my sister and her fiance and kids are coming down this weekend for Easter. I have yet to do ANY Easter shopping (that's Saturday's main job!) but it will be so nice to let the kids play together. Now if Kellie, Rockey and Sawyer were going to be here! But hey, I'll take what I can get.
Well, I better get my nose back to the grindstone. Have a great night -- I will!
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